TRUSTING MY GUT AND TRUSTING SPIRIT
**author's note: this blog entry has turned out to be rather long, so if you have the time, pull up a chair, grab a cup/glass of your favourite drink, and allow me to share from the heart. Thanks.**
After reading an entry that a fellow blogger posted recently (Xavier I understand you) I feel moved to share a couple stories of my own about "Trust". Wow, that word is huge. In any relationship, it is #1 and it is huge.
Have you ever experienced the difficulty of having to let someone in your life go, when they didn't want to be let go? It's really one of those hurdles on life's path that is almost easier to just walk around instead of bucking up and getting through it. I had one such experience a few years ago. Someone I knew from my teen years but hadn't hardly seen, let alone heard from, for 30+ years suddenly contacted me. I say I knew her when I was a teenager, she was one of many that I went to highschool with, but we never were close or anything. She had been living pretty much in another province all those 30+ years and decided that she was going to move here to Alberta, and contacted me. I began to build a relationship with her. Within a short period of time, she decided to move here to this city. I should have paid more attention but I didn't....... when she told me on the phone she was moving here, my stomach knotted and felt sour. I didn't know why it would, so I chose to ignore it. Bad decision.
She made a couple of trips here and arranged that I would drive around with her in her car, looking for apartments in different ends of the city. She found one she liked way out on the South Side, I live in the West End. She moved here. And then it really began. She is one of those people who remind me of a teenager. She loved to be on the phone, talking about absolutely nothing. Within a week of arriving here she met a man. She started seeing him and after a bit he decided it wasn't a good idea. She had other plans and didn't want to let go of him. She would phone me at any time just to talk about him, and/or nothing. Didn't matter if I had a house full of company, or if I was about to take dinner off the stove before it burned so hubby and I could eat, or if he was waiting for me in the truck outside, waiting for us to go somewhere. If I told her I couldn't talk now but would call her back, she'd get angry. Once she told me I wasn't a very good friend at all. I relayed this to some of my friends and let me tell you, a few of them were fit to be tied. They wanted to speak to her, with that "let me at her!" attitude. Well it was nice to be reminded that I was NOT like this woman said I was.
After several months of "being this woman's friend", I started to understand my first "gut instinct" about her. She was sucking the very energy out of me. Honestly. All she ever wanted was for me to be there for her night or day and to listen to her shit. Always always always the same old shit. I really and truly tried to help her but then after months it hit me that she didn't want help ~ she would rather wallow in her self pity. And it was then that I knew I had tried, and as a matter of fact, I'd already gone above and beyond. It was time to cut her out of my life. I won't go into the painful details but it wasn't pretty. Even though I knew I was doing the only thing I could do, I still felt bad. I had even been given several unasked for psychic readings on the situation, even her deceased father came through in one reading and the medium told me that even he understood why I had to do this. She didn't want to let go. I explained why. I wished her well and gave her a "God bless". That was almost 3 years ago, and 3 or 4 times since then she still has tried to contact me, and has asked me if we could be friends again. She moved back to the province she lived in for the last 30+ years and I was so relieved. That was the feeling my body had ~ relief. She had been sucking the very energy out of me, and exhausting me! But she's still phoned a couple of times and emailed. I have blocked her emails now. I should have listened to that first "gut instinct", but on the other hand, maybe this was meant to be a lesson for both her and I. I learned from it, and acquired some soul growth from it. I hope she did too.
My other story is about trusting Spirit ~ the word "Spirit" encompassing those who are my spirit guides and who live in the next world. I have made a few previous posts about how Spirit has alerted me to danger, or how they have let me feel their presence when I've really needed support or comfort. This time, they came through to help me make a decision based on finances. It was a big decision and one I was having some trouble making. It took place about 6 years ago.
I had a king-size waterbed from 1978, and in 1989 I finally converted it to a foam bed. Bought the foam mattresses cut to size, put them in the waterbed frame. This worked until the foam started to get old, and about 6 years ago I was waking up with a sore back every single day. I knew in my heart I had to buy a new bed, but I couldn't afford to pay for what I really needed. I needed a really good bed. And hubby has a bad back and he needs a hard mattress. I can't sleep on anything hard, I need something with good support but that is soft and cushiony on top. I knew that what I needed was a "split mattress" ~ they come in king size beds ~ one side can be soft and the other side hard. The only place I could find one was at a Sears department store, but it was a LOT of money. We kept going there every other week or so, waiting for a possible sale. Well it happened. For a month, it was half price, which was still more money than I could afford ($2700.00 cdn) and for a $45 charge, you could put in on deferral, and pay for it in one year. I had just started my job several months before, and when my first year anniversary there came, my position was to be "reviewed". In other words, that first year we didn't know if my job was safe or not. PLUS, hubby had just finished a job and was looking for one. So you see, our financial situation was certainly "iffy" and I had no idea what kind of shape we'd be in a year later, when this bed payment would have come due.
A friend of mine was living in Banff, and working at the world famous Banff Springs Hotel. She was also a working medium, and we had been doing a meditation together once a week, every Monday at noon. We'd both sit and meditate and always we would be given messages from our spirit guides for each other at the very end of the meditations. Then we would phone each other and compare notes. Well this one Monday she gave me a message from Spirit, and it was just after the day we had found out the bed I needed to buy was on sale for half price. This friend had absolutely no idea about my bed, my sore back, and my looking for a new bed. I had never told her about any of it, ever.
The very first part of the message for me from Spirit that she gave me went like this, and it blew my mind: "They are telling me that you want to buy something but you are afraid to spend the money. They are saying that it isn't just a case of wanting it, but that you "need" to have it, that you should definitely get it. They say not to worry, that you should go buy this item and that they will make sure you will be okay with finances." Holy crap, this totally blew my mind!! I told her what it was all about and she laughed. I had to spend some time sweating this one out and thinking about it. I knew I only had a few weeks left to make this decision while the bed was on sale, but I was terrified. Then it hit me. All the messages that Spirit had given me over the years for other people were always right on and very helpful. Why couldn't I trust them now? I felt a little ashamed, and I knew that I had to take a huge leap of faith and just TRUST them. So I did. Sweating palms and all, hubby and I went and bought the bed, and got it on deferral. To be paid March of the next year. About two weeks before it was due to be paid, I received $2,000 that had been owing to me. I paid off the bed and had a little cry, thanking my loving, wonderful, helpful and supportive Spirit guides. In God's world, we aren't supposed to know how everything will turn out, and often we have to make our own decisions. There are times when Spirit can direct us and advise us. Other times they have to stay back and let us do for ourselves, and just be there to support us. I love my Spirit guides and cherish their presence in my life. I am so blessed!
Well that was a very long post as it turns out, but I don't hear any snoring......lol. Thanks for being a part of my sharing. I wish all of you a great Friday tomorrow, and an excellent long weekend ahead!! Here in Canada it is the Victoria Day long weekend, or what most of us simply call "The May Long Weekend". Many blessings to you all, and PEACE to you and yours!
Love Jude
After reading an entry that a fellow blogger posted recently (Xavier I understand you) I feel moved to share a couple stories of my own about "Trust". Wow, that word is huge. In any relationship, it is #1 and it is huge.
Have you ever experienced the difficulty of having to let someone in your life go, when they didn't want to be let go? It's really one of those hurdles on life's path that is almost easier to just walk around instead of bucking up and getting through it. I had one such experience a few years ago. Someone I knew from my teen years but hadn't hardly seen, let alone heard from, for 30+ years suddenly contacted me. I say I knew her when I was a teenager, she was one of many that I went to highschool with, but we never were close or anything. She had been living pretty much in another province all those 30+ years and decided that she was going to move here to Alberta, and contacted me. I began to build a relationship with her. Within a short period of time, she decided to move here to this city. I should have paid more attention but I didn't....... when she told me on the phone she was moving here, my stomach knotted and felt sour. I didn't know why it would, so I chose to ignore it. Bad decision.
She made a couple of trips here and arranged that I would drive around with her in her car, looking for apartments in different ends of the city. She found one she liked way out on the South Side, I live in the West End. She moved here. And then it really began. She is one of those people who remind me of a teenager. She loved to be on the phone, talking about absolutely nothing. Within a week of arriving here she met a man. She started seeing him and after a bit he decided it wasn't a good idea. She had other plans and didn't want to let go of him. She would phone me at any time just to talk about him, and/or nothing. Didn't matter if I had a house full of company, or if I was about to take dinner off the stove before it burned so hubby and I could eat, or if he was waiting for me in the truck outside, waiting for us to go somewhere. If I told her I couldn't talk now but would call her back, she'd get angry. Once she told me I wasn't a very good friend at all. I relayed this to some of my friends and let me tell you, a few of them were fit to be tied. They wanted to speak to her, with that "let me at her!" attitude. Well it was nice to be reminded that I was NOT like this woman said I was.
After several months of "being this woman's friend", I started to understand my first "gut instinct" about her. She was sucking the very energy out of me. Honestly. All she ever wanted was for me to be there for her night or day and to listen to her shit. Always always always the same old shit. I really and truly tried to help her but then after months it hit me that she didn't want help ~ she would rather wallow in her self pity. And it was then that I knew I had tried, and as a matter of fact, I'd already gone above and beyond. It was time to cut her out of my life. I won't go into the painful details but it wasn't pretty. Even though I knew I was doing the only thing I could do, I still felt bad. I had even been given several unasked for psychic readings on the situation, even her deceased father came through in one reading and the medium told me that even he understood why I had to do this. She didn't want to let go. I explained why. I wished her well and gave her a "God bless". That was almost 3 years ago, and 3 or 4 times since then she still has tried to contact me, and has asked me if we could be friends again. She moved back to the province she lived in for the last 30+ years and I was so relieved. That was the feeling my body had ~ relief. She had been sucking the very energy out of me, and exhausting me! But she's still phoned a couple of times and emailed. I have blocked her emails now. I should have listened to that first "gut instinct", but on the other hand, maybe this was meant to be a lesson for both her and I. I learned from it, and acquired some soul growth from it. I hope she did too.
My other story is about trusting Spirit ~ the word "Spirit" encompassing those who are my spirit guides and who live in the next world. I have made a few previous posts about how Spirit has alerted me to danger, or how they have let me feel their presence when I've really needed support or comfort. This time, they came through to help me make a decision based on finances. It was a big decision and one I was having some trouble making. It took place about 6 years ago.
I had a king-size waterbed from 1978, and in 1989 I finally converted it to a foam bed. Bought the foam mattresses cut to size, put them in the waterbed frame. This worked until the foam started to get old, and about 6 years ago I was waking up with a sore back every single day. I knew in my heart I had to buy a new bed, but I couldn't afford to pay for what I really needed. I needed a really good bed. And hubby has a bad back and he needs a hard mattress. I can't sleep on anything hard, I need something with good support but that is soft and cushiony on top. I knew that what I needed was a "split mattress" ~ they come in king size beds ~ one side can be soft and the other side hard. The only place I could find one was at a Sears department store, but it was a LOT of money. We kept going there every other week or so, waiting for a possible sale. Well it happened. For a month, it was half price, which was still more money than I could afford ($2700.00 cdn) and for a $45 charge, you could put in on deferral, and pay for it in one year. I had just started my job several months before, and when my first year anniversary there came, my position was to be "reviewed". In other words, that first year we didn't know if my job was safe or not. PLUS, hubby had just finished a job and was looking for one. So you see, our financial situation was certainly "iffy" and I had no idea what kind of shape we'd be in a year later, when this bed payment would have come due.
A friend of mine was living in Banff, and working at the world famous Banff Springs Hotel. She was also a working medium, and we had been doing a meditation together once a week, every Monday at noon. We'd both sit and meditate and always we would be given messages from our spirit guides for each other at the very end of the meditations. Then we would phone each other and compare notes. Well this one Monday she gave me a message from Spirit, and it was just after the day we had found out the bed I needed to buy was on sale for half price. This friend had absolutely no idea about my bed, my sore back, and my looking for a new bed. I had never told her about any of it, ever.
The very first part of the message for me from Spirit that she gave me went like this, and it blew my mind: "They are telling me that you want to buy something but you are afraid to spend the money. They are saying that it isn't just a case of wanting it, but that you "need" to have it, that you should definitely get it. They say not to worry, that you should go buy this item and that they will make sure you will be okay with finances." Holy crap, this totally blew my mind!! I told her what it was all about and she laughed. I had to spend some time sweating this one out and thinking about it. I knew I only had a few weeks left to make this decision while the bed was on sale, but I was terrified. Then it hit me. All the messages that Spirit had given me over the years for other people were always right on and very helpful. Why couldn't I trust them now? I felt a little ashamed, and I knew that I had to take a huge leap of faith and just TRUST them. So I did. Sweating palms and all, hubby and I went and bought the bed, and got it on deferral. To be paid March of the next year. About two weeks before it was due to be paid, I received $2,000 that had been owing to me. I paid off the bed and had a little cry, thanking my loving, wonderful, helpful and supportive Spirit guides. In God's world, we aren't supposed to know how everything will turn out, and often we have to make our own decisions. There are times when Spirit can direct us and advise us. Other times they have to stay back and let us do for ourselves, and just be there to support us. I love my Spirit guides and cherish their presence in my life. I am so blessed!
Well that was a very long post as it turns out, but I don't hear any snoring......lol. Thanks for being a part of my sharing. I wish all of you a great Friday tomorrow, and an excellent long weekend ahead!! Here in Canada it is the Victoria Day long weekend, or what most of us simply call "The May Long Weekend". Many blessings to you all, and PEACE to you and yours!
Love Jude
posted by Jude at Thursday, May 19, 2005
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