REALLY I AM SLIM, I'M JUST WEARING A FAT BODY
Firstly, let me just say that right now it's about 40 degrees F. here, and for December that's pretty darn nice! However.... this weekend apparently we are going to get the start of REAL winter temps!! Heeeere it comes..... 
And we're really NOT doing so badly yet, when you look at a World Map. I have one from work, and here in Edmonton, we are exactly the same distance north as is (it's true!!!) Sheffield, U.K.; Dublin, Ireland; and Berlin, Germany. Anyway, look out, here it comes!!!
Okay y'all...... this post ain't a "pretty sight", so if you're still a slim woman, maybe just skip this one. And also if you're male ~~ this could scare ya off older women for life. Don't even go here, okay? **and I'd like to clarify now, that I am only enjoying making some fun of myself. There are people out there who have much worse and REAL physical problems, and but for the grace of God, I really have no reason to complain.**
Allrightythen, let me begin....... my last post prompted some comments that in turn prompted me to write this post ~ I just couldn't resist! So yeah here I go again ~~ TIME TO TALK ABOUT MY BODY PARTS AGAIN!! I mean they really are a source of humour to me, if not some frustration too. See, I used to always be pretty slim, and had that "hourglass" figure...you know, tiny waist, flat tummy, blessed with a nice size bust........ well with the passage of time and onset of the Big M,
I woke up one morning and my hourglass now looks kinda like the shape of a nice, plump watermelon. Kinda roundish, but almost straight up and down from the bottom to the top, if ya know what I mean. Gone is the indentation at what used to be my waist. As a matter of fact, that part of me kinda sticks OUT now. Sheesh. So maybe what I'll do here is take one body part at a time and inspect them one by one. Ready?? No no, if you're eating, might wanna either stop for now, or better yet, come back and read this AFTER you've digested your meal, okay? All right, let's begin ~~~~
Guess we'll just start at the top and move on down. Okay, I have a chubbo face now, complete with the roundness under my chin. You know, the kind where if I could just wear turtle necks every day it would maybe help some. But that's another story, cuz I can't wear anything that makes me hot, the hot-flasher that I've become. So I'm afraid that my round chin is always out there for the world to see. Gotta just live with that one. Oh and not to mention that I'm finally starting to see the beginnings of the "chicken neck" as I've always called it ~~ wrinkly and funny looking skin happening there. Where did my smooth neck go?
Okay next. That would be my chubby arms I guess...... me, who used to be sleeveless in the warmer months and always had that tan. I can't decide some days if it's my arms or my boobs, that get in the way of each other and rub. Now, there's this fat on my upper arms that wants to wave in the slightest breeze, not to mention if I actually do "wave" at someone. Afterwards it seems to take a minute or so for the "waving" of the fat to come to an end. It slowly just comes to a stop.......
Next would be my boobs. Sigh...... lots to say about those heavy things hanging on my chest wall and proving the theory of gravity so well!! I mean good grief, they used to at least point somewhat forward ~ now they kinda have this annoying habit of gazing at my feet. Or at least trying to see my feet around my belly..... but that's the next body part.
As I said just now, they get in the way of my arms..... I mean they actually rub against my arms!!! What's up with that??? And here's another thing; don't ask me why, but I have always washed my hair in the kitchen sink, not the shower. Always have. Well, you try leaning over the sink with these bodacious ta-ta's!! They really get in the way!
I'm starting to get that "matronly" looking bust ~ and I have 2 nephews in their 20's who I've teased about giving the "Auntie Hug" ~~ you know, like your matronly grandma gives, smashing your head into her big ol' boobs till you can't breathe??? LOL Now let's talk about bras. I get bra strap marks on my shoulders now. Indentations, for gawds sake!! And where I used to just be able to unclasp and peel it off, now if I did that I'd hurt myself, and anybody who happens to be standing within a few feet radius of me. Like I've said, "Stand back! It's comin' off now!"
Now, I have to gently LIFT them out as it's coming off. If I didn't, the force of the sudden weight could pull me over and I might hit my head on something on the way down, like a bed post or dresser or something.
"Woman dies from head injury while taking her bra off. Film at eleven!"
And I hope I never have to run anywhere again, because I think I could seriously injure myself then too..... a couple of black eyes for sure!!
A friend mentioned that she can't wear blouses anymore cuz with bigger boobs you get that annoying "button gap". I should be the same as her, except with my hot-flashing body, I can't wear anything but blouses right not, or I'd die from heat! For me, who used to be the sweater queen ~ love them ~ I haven't been able to keep one of those on me for more than a minute before I get too heated up. So, to keep from having "buttonitis" with my blouses, I do two things. I only wear sports bras now, cuz they "smash" my boobs in more, and also, I have to buy bigger, roomier blouses, so that all my tops are big now. It's not like I have to go clothes shopping at "Bob's Tent and Awning".....not YET anyway, but I can't wear any tops that are form fitting or that tuck in. Tuck in!!! Hah!
I haven't tucked a top into pants or skirts for so long!! Do you think I'm CRAZY?? Then the whole world would see my belly and my no waist!
Okay, next!! That would be my belly..... which used to be so flat and non-existant. Now, it's more like "prominent". It's like this. You know how some items of clothing get those little "nubbies" on them from rubbing on things? You know, those little things you shave off clothes with those battery operated lint shavers? My clothes get nubbies where my boobs and my belly are. And bellies that stick out like mine do cause other fun things to happen. It's no picnic to bend over and do things like paint your toenails (and I ALWAYS have to have them painted, I love that!) or to tie shoelaces. Can't hardly breathe! Really, of all my now chubby body parts, I would have to say it would be my belly I would most like to get rid of. I also think it's the least attractive too. Oh and at work, I wear a headset for the phones, and they have a little clip that you can attach the cord to your clothing so if you move you don't rip the headset off your head (I've done that, not a graceful sight) Most people clip it to their belt, or to their waistband. Nuh-uh. For me, it has to be clipped to my collar. Frankly I like it better up there anyway, as the cord is more out of the way. But I'd love to be able to have the option, if you know what I mean!
Then comes the thighs........ lots of names for those, "thunder thighs" being a common one, LOL
Here's something that I never even heard of before, and now it's common place with me ~ I wear out the inside thighs of my pants cuz my thighs rub together! When did this happen!!
And between my thighs and my belly, when I sit down it's hard to cross my legs as comfortably as I used to, and I have ALWAYS been a leg-crosser, I think it's the most comfy position for sitting, and I also think it's so lady-like. Hah! It's sure near to impossible now..... I admit that it helped in this department when I lost 10 pounds this year.
Further south on my legs, and we come to my knees. Oy. This is another "getting older" thing, not a weight thing. The knees and ankles can be the first to go, that's common knowledge. Well let me say, my knees are not what they used to be. Going DOWN a set of stairs is really hard now. The knees just don't want to take any weight on them in that particular position, and it can really hurt, so I have to do stairs slowly now ~ where I used to always run and skip my way down stairs. Sheesh.
And then with the ankles, actually they went before my knees did ~ getting out of bed in the morning for me means having to do that "old lady shuffle" from the bed to the bathroom, cuz at first they're too stiff to walk. Thankfully, after a few minutes they limber up. That "shuffle" even occurs when I get up from sitting down for a long period of time. I guess the joints just stiffen up really easily now. AND I'M ONLY IN MY EARLY FIFTIES!! Wonder what I have to look forward to?? Anyway, back to the knees...... you know ladies, how on a road trip sometimes you just have to take a pee in the bushes or the woods somewhere along the side of the road? I can't see myself being able to get down, OR back up again, without a couple little trees on either side of me to pull myself with. Honest! Just sitting down on my toilet, I use the counter the sink is on, which is right beside the toilet, thank God! I help myself up and down cuz if I don't, I easily throw a knee out. And THAT hurts!! That's why I feel so sorry for my friend Lors, with her bum knee.
With the chubby arms and legs I have today, who needs to shave??? I never have those body parts exposed in public anymore anyway!! I just do the best I can to cover every offending part up without getting too hot. That's become my #1 priority in life...... trying to stay cool!! Anyway in all honesty peeps, I really am content and happy with who I am now. I like where I am spiritually and emotionally ~ I just wish that my body hadn't betrayed me in it's 50's when I still feel exactly like I'm in my 20's or 30's!! Now I just have to dress funny......... LOL That's my innermost body secrets!! Feels good to have shared them with ya!! Hello?? Where'd y'all go???
Heh heh...... don't blame ya if ya passed on this one, LOL
Well that's my fun for this time ~~ have yourselves a good day and take care! Until next time, PEACE!! Bye for now......
(see? No buttroid!)
Love Jude
And we're really NOT doing so badly yet, when you look at a World Map. I have one from work, and here in Edmonton, we are exactly the same distance north as is (it's true!!!) Sheffield, U.K.; Dublin, Ireland; and Berlin, Germany. Anyway, look out, here it comes!!!
Okay y'all...... this post ain't a "pretty sight", so if you're still a slim woman, maybe just skip this one. And also if you're male ~~ this could scare ya off older women for life. Don't even go here, okay? **and I'd like to clarify now, that I am only enjoying making some fun of myself. There are people out there who have much worse and REAL physical problems, and but for the grace of God, I really have no reason to complain.**
Allrightythen, let me begin....... my last post prompted some comments that in turn prompted me to write this post ~ I just couldn't resist! So yeah here I go again ~~ TIME TO TALK ABOUT MY BODY PARTS AGAIN!! I mean they really are a source of humour to me, if not some frustration too. See, I used to always be pretty slim, and had that "hourglass" figure...you know, tiny waist, flat tummy, blessed with a nice size bust........ well with the passage of time and onset of the Big M,
I woke up one morning and my hourglass now looks kinda like the shape of a nice, plump watermelon. Kinda roundish, but almost straight up and down from the bottom to the top, if ya know what I mean. Gone is the indentation at what used to be my waist. As a matter of fact, that part of me kinda sticks OUT now. Sheesh. So maybe what I'll do here is take one body part at a time and inspect them one by one. Ready?? No no, if you're eating, might wanna either stop for now, or better yet, come back and read this AFTER you've digested your meal, okay? All right, let's begin ~~~~
Guess we'll just start at the top and move on down. Okay, I have a chubbo face now, complete with the roundness under my chin. You know, the kind where if I could just wear turtle necks every day it would maybe help some. But that's another story, cuz I can't wear anything that makes me hot, the hot-flasher that I've become. So I'm afraid that my round chin is always out there for the world to see. Gotta just live with that one. Oh and not to mention that I'm finally starting to see the beginnings of the "chicken neck" as I've always called it ~~ wrinkly and funny looking skin happening there. Where did my smooth neck go?
Okay next. That would be my chubby arms I guess...... me, who used to be sleeveless in the warmer months and always had that tan. I can't decide some days if it's my arms or my boobs, that get in the way of each other and rub. Now, there's this fat on my upper arms that wants to wave in the slightest breeze, not to mention if I actually do "wave" at someone. Afterwards it seems to take a minute or so for the "waving" of the fat to come to an end. It slowly just comes to a stop.......
Next would be my boobs. Sigh...... lots to say about those heavy things hanging on my chest wall and proving the theory of gravity so well!! I mean good grief, they used to at least point somewhat forward ~ now they kinda have this annoying habit of gazing at my feet. Or at least trying to see my feet around my belly..... but that's the next body part.
As I said just now, they get in the way of my arms..... I mean they actually rub against my arms!!! What's up with that??? And here's another thing; don't ask me why, but I have always washed my hair in the kitchen sink, not the shower. Always have. Well, you try leaning over the sink with these bodacious ta-ta's!! They really get in the way!
I'm starting to get that "matronly" looking bust ~ and I have 2 nephews in their 20's who I've teased about giving the "Auntie Hug" ~~ you know, like your matronly grandma gives, smashing your head into her big ol' boobs till you can't breathe??? LOL Now let's talk about bras. I get bra strap marks on my shoulders now. Indentations, for gawds sake!! And where I used to just be able to unclasp and peel it off, now if I did that I'd hurt myself, and anybody who happens to be standing within a few feet radius of me. Like I've said, "Stand back! It's comin' off now!"
Now, I have to gently LIFT them out as it's coming off. If I didn't, the force of the sudden weight could pull me over and I might hit my head on something on the way down, like a bed post or dresser or something.
"Woman dies from head injury while taking her bra off. Film at eleven!"
And I hope I never have to run anywhere again, because I think I could seriously injure myself then too..... a couple of black eyes for sure!!
A friend mentioned that she can't wear blouses anymore cuz with bigger boobs you get that annoying "button gap". I should be the same as her, except with my hot-flashing body, I can't wear anything but blouses right not, or I'd die from heat! For me, who used to be the sweater queen ~ love them ~ I haven't been able to keep one of those on me for more than a minute before I get too heated up. So, to keep from having "buttonitis" with my blouses, I do two things. I only wear sports bras now, cuz they "smash" my boobs in more, and also, I have to buy bigger, roomier blouses, so that all my tops are big now. It's not like I have to go clothes shopping at "Bob's Tent and Awning".....not YET anyway, but I can't wear any tops that are form fitting or that tuck in. Tuck in!!! Hah!
I haven't tucked a top into pants or skirts for so long!! Do you think I'm CRAZY?? Then the whole world would see my belly and my no waist!
Okay, next!! That would be my belly..... which used to be so flat and non-existant. Now, it's more like "prominent". It's like this. You know how some items of clothing get those little "nubbies" on them from rubbing on things? You know, those little things you shave off clothes with those battery operated lint shavers? My clothes get nubbies where my boobs and my belly are. And bellies that stick out like mine do cause other fun things to happen. It's no picnic to bend over and do things like paint your toenails (and I ALWAYS have to have them painted, I love that!) or to tie shoelaces. Can't hardly breathe! Really, of all my now chubby body parts, I would have to say it would be my belly I would most like to get rid of. I also think it's the least attractive too. Oh and at work, I wear a headset for the phones, and they have a little clip that you can attach the cord to your clothing so if you move you don't rip the headset off your head (I've done that, not a graceful sight) Most people clip it to their belt, or to their waistband. Nuh-uh. For me, it has to be clipped to my collar. Frankly I like it better up there anyway, as the cord is more out of the way. But I'd love to be able to have the option, if you know what I mean!
Then comes the thighs........ lots of names for those, "thunder thighs" being a common one, LOL
Here's something that I never even heard of before, and now it's common place with me ~ I wear out the inside thighs of my pants cuz my thighs rub together! When did this happen!!
And between my thighs and my belly, when I sit down it's hard to cross my legs as comfortably as I used to, and I have ALWAYS been a leg-crosser, I think it's the most comfy position for sitting, and I also think it's so lady-like. Hah! It's sure near to impossible now..... I admit that it helped in this department when I lost 10 pounds this year.
Further south on my legs, and we come to my knees. Oy. This is another "getting older" thing, not a weight thing. The knees and ankles can be the first to go, that's common knowledge. Well let me say, my knees are not what they used to be. Going DOWN a set of stairs is really hard now. The knees just don't want to take any weight on them in that particular position, and it can really hurt, so I have to do stairs slowly now ~ where I used to always run and skip my way down stairs. Sheesh.
And then with the ankles, actually they went before my knees did ~ getting out of bed in the morning for me means having to do that "old lady shuffle" from the bed to the bathroom, cuz at first they're too stiff to walk. Thankfully, after a few minutes they limber up. That "shuffle" even occurs when I get up from sitting down for a long period of time. I guess the joints just stiffen up really easily now. AND I'M ONLY IN MY EARLY FIFTIES!! Wonder what I have to look forward to?? Anyway, back to the knees...... you know ladies, how on a road trip sometimes you just have to take a pee in the bushes or the woods somewhere along the side of the road? I can't see myself being able to get down, OR back up again, without a couple little trees on either side of me to pull myself with. Honest! Just sitting down on my toilet, I use the counter the sink is on, which is right beside the toilet, thank God! I help myself up and down cuz if I don't, I easily throw a knee out. And THAT hurts!! That's why I feel so sorry for my friend Lors, with her bum knee.
With the chubby arms and legs I have today, who needs to shave??? I never have those body parts exposed in public anymore anyway!! I just do the best I can to cover every offending part up without getting too hot. That's become my #1 priority in life...... trying to stay cool!! Anyway in all honesty peeps, I really am content and happy with who I am now. I like where I am spiritually and emotionally ~ I just wish that my body hadn't betrayed me in it's 50's when I still feel exactly like I'm in my 20's or 30's!! Now I just have to dress funny......... LOL That's my innermost body secrets!! Feels good to have shared them with ya!! Hello?? Where'd y'all go???
Heh heh...... don't blame ya if ya passed on this one, LOL
Well that's my fun for this time ~~ have yourselves a good day and take care! Until next time, PEACE!! Bye for now......
(see? No buttroid!)
Love Jude
posted by Jude at Thursday, December 02, 2004
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